Sunday, October 9, 2011
Jacob's Blog - Year 16
Today, I’m going to break the first rule I was ever taught.
Today, I’m going to tell Kirsten who I really am. Who – what – my dads are. What my mother did to get pregnant with me. I’m going to tell her everything.
I’ve thought about it a few times while I was growing up, but the only other person I was really tempted to tell my secret to was my best friend Joey. I’ve known him for a long, long time, and he has shared all his secrets with me. I always felt bad about holding back, and hiding part of me from him. But that was what my fathers demanded, what they begged of me, and I respected their wish.
I mean, I understand why it has to be a secret. I’d probably end up as the subject in a science lab if the authorities ever learned about me. Either that or they would accuse my dads of kidnapping me and would start looking for my real parents. Neither option sounds all that appealing.
But I have to tell Kirsten. I can’t bear lying to her anymore. As time passes, as I fall more and more in love with her, my guilt about lying to her just grows deeper. We’ve promised each other we wouldn’t lie to each other, but it feels as though I’m doing exactly that, every day, every hour I spend with her.
Today I will finally tell the truth. The entire truth.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life.
I have no idea how she will react. No idea what she’ll say or do. Will she even want to be with me, when she knows what kind of freak I am? Will she be mad because I lied for so long? Will she even believe me?
There’s only one way to find out.
And today is the day.