Sunday, October 2, 2011

Lisa's Journal - post Fifth Vision of Destiny

If I am to be honest, I thought I could use the arrival of Leo in town and in our lives to deflect the feelings I could see rising in Brett.

I’m not blind, and I noticed that he was falling in love with me long before he actually said the words. It has happened a few times over the years I spent on my own. I would get close to someone, usually a man. I’d make it clear I didn’t want anything like a monogamous relationship. And invariably, after a while, he would end up saying these three words and expecting to hear them in return. That was more than I was willing to give anyone – and that was always my signal to take off.

I didn’t want the same thing to happen with Brett. I couldn’t afford to let it go that way. At first, it was because I had too much money invested in the club. Later, things changed, and I simply enjoyed living with him too much to want to ruin what we had.

So when Leo came back, I figured I would solve the problem before it even came up.

Don’t get me wrong, I was glad that he was back. I had missed him, missed having someone there who knew me, knew how I thought, and whom I knew just as well.

Because I knew him so well, I knew that Leo wouldn’t have a problem feeding from Brett, something I knew Brett wanted. And I was pretty sure that if Brett fell from Leo the same way he was falling for me, Leo wouldn’t freak out – not the way I would.

It worked exactly as I had planned. They fell for each other – hard – and with a little nudging they found their place within each other’s life and heart.

What I never expected was that I’d end up looking at what they share and feeling like I’m missing something. I guess it started when Brett gave us those rings. Leo accepted his right away, like he didn’t even need to think about it, and part of me wished it could have been as simple for me.

It’s strange, because I thought Leo would give Brett what I can’t and leave me free to remain who I am. Instead, I’m starting to realize I want all of it. With Brett, and with Leo.

And because I’m a very lucky woman, neither of them holds my hesitations against me. They just wait for me to be ready.

Soon, I will be.

2 comments:

  1. I love reading Lisa's POV. At some point I would love to be able to understand her reluctance to love.

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  2. I'm with you Meg! Lisa loves him, but she annoyed me at the start with her reluctance cause Brett is amazing and she was fighting her feelings for him. Bless Leo for loving him back the way he does.

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